The Importance of Relationships

Relationships are our strength, whether we want to admit it or not, we need each other.  Most people desire to have a special connection with family members and friends on a regular basis. At one’s place of employment, you will always find co-workers taking minutes out of their day to visit with fellow co-workers. Perhaps one of the reasons social networks have become so popular is because people can stay in touch with friends and colleagues, while also meeting other like minded individuals.. Even when we think we are alone, we’re not; we are always relating.

The relationships we have with each other impacts our lives in so many ways. From spouses to teachers, we can all recall moments when these people said or did something that changed us forever, and I’m sure they will say the same about us in their lives. Moreover, its the kind of change we feel grateful for such as, being introduced to a different way of solving a problem. This person is not trying to change us nor is our goal to change them; they just make our lives richer. 

Seemingly, every interaction we have with others will either improve how we relate in a positive, way or have the opposite effect.  However, it is my belief that we would prefer to get along with other rather than have constant friction in our relationships. Often, having these rewarding relationships require working on ourselves. Let’s look at some of the principles we can apply to ourselves so that we can become the person that others enjoy being around.

Be Yourself

Relationships work best if you are able to be yourself, and that comes with being comfortable with yourself and others you choose to associate with.. Relationships in which you can be yourself are likely to feel more relaxed and to make you happier. This doesn’t mean one can throw tantrums when you feel like it, nor be as rude to people as you wish. Relationships don’t even have to be comfortable; some very good relationships can be provocative and challenging. However relationships tend to be unsatisfying when one is fulfilling a role rather than being oneself. So in order to improve relationships one must first understand them.

Keep Your Control

Accept the idea that you can have some control over what happens in a relationship. Don’t accept that other people have all the choices. Ask yourself what you want from a relationship? Think about how you would like to be and not about how you appear. Speak up for yourself, think about what you want to do and don’t worry about displeasing others. If you find yourself in a relationship that you don’t like, have the courage to end it. Assertiveness involves being fair to oneself and to others.

Develop independence

Develop your independence. The more you take control and allow yourself to be yourself, the more others will respect you. Don’t be afraid that if you disagree with someone it’ll end in an argument. The better you become at playing your full part in relationships, the better you will feel about yourself. Once you accept yourself, others will find it easier to accept you. This may set off a chain-reaction that will help you make other changes. Relationships are systems. When we make changes in the ways we relate to others, those others will respond to, and resist, the changes. In a system one change leads to another and the skills of communication and negotiation help ensure that the changes we want and the changes others want match, so that the system can adjust and adapt.

Solitude is important too

Although good relationships are valuable, don’t underestimate the importance of solitude; the ability to enjoy, and to find creative strength in our own company. To be at ease with oneself alone can be a source of refreshment and energy. Solitude is a necessary component of many creative activities that require us to draw from our own inner depths. Solitude is not the opposite of good relationships. In fact if we are continually seeking company because we are uncomfortable with ourselves, this is likely to tarnish our relationships with others. If we are at ease with ourselves we will be at ease with others.

Accept responsibility for change

The temptation, particularly if a relationship is stormy, is to insist to oneself and to others that it’s not you that needs to change but the other person. Now it may be true that the other person could change but since you can’t change other people, it isn’t worth trying. The only way you can change another person is to change the way you relate to them. Working to change you is always difficult. Working to change relationships is even more difficult because it can be very tempting to think that other people are at fault, and that they rather than you should make the effort. Do not be distracted by trying to change others. The changes you make will precipitate changes in others. Leave these changes up to them, and the relationship will feel better to you both.

Accept others as they are

Be realistic. If you find yourself thinking "If only he would tell me what he’s thinking" or "If only he didn’t criticize me so much", remember that if you want to bring about some changes in those relationships you should put away these "if only" and accept people as they are. Once you start making changes in yourself, the other person is likely to begin to change. You will then be able to find out if you can accommodate each other and proceed with the relationship. If after trying to change you still find the relationship is no better, then it might be better to end the relationship.